3 Reasons Why the Week before Uni Starts is the Worst of your Life

Some people will tell you that university study is the paramount of stress in their lives. Those people are liars. Semesters full of lectures, tutorials, seminars, assessments and exams are smooth sailing compared to the last week of the holidays. Here are my reasons why:

1.Tutorial Enrolments

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Tutorial enrolments are BRUTAL (source: Giphy)

This is top of my list for a reason. It’s the fucking Hunger Games. Every. Single. Mudblood Student is online at the same time trying to squeeze into a tutorial which is:

(a) on the same day as the lecture

(b) not at 8.30am

(c) not at 6.30pm

(d) not in building 19

and it’s so damn stressful.

If you don’t get your first choice? By the time you’ve pressed the “back” button on your screen, your second, third and fourth choices have filled up as well. All that’s left are those classes which are at the exact same time as classes you’ve already enrolled in. The probability of this happening is quadrupled if you study a double degree or major. There are only two options now:

(a) TIME-TURNER. Lol jokes, Harry smashed the entire stock in his fight against Voldy in the Department of Mysteries.

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Source: Giphy

(b) It’s time to email the lecturer! If you say “dear” at the beginning, “warm regards” at the end and maintain a decent standard of grammar throughout, these wizards will grant you the impossible: a class that fits on your timetable and doesn’t clash with anything else.

Yes, it will work out in the end (mostly). But is the irreversible damage to your delicate soul worth it? Probably not. Your panic attack will continue for days to come, and because of this you will be a withering mess on day one back at uni. You will make no friends. Consider yourself warned – not that you can do anything about it.

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Source: Giphy

2. Textbooks

A bunch of subjects ‘require’ textbooks. I use the word ‘require’ loosely; the last few subjects I have bought (SPENT MY ENTIRE SAVINGS ON) textbooks for, I have opened them like twice. Collectively. Even when the coordinator says you will fail if you don’t purchase it, it’s impossible to know whether or not you legitimately need these books.

Textbook Rule of Thumb: Unless you need it specifically because it contains tutorial questions, leave it. I know you’re planning to knuckle down this semester and do your readings every week . . . but stop kidding yourself. You’re in second (third) year. Nobody does readings. Even the lecturers know this. They’re laughing at you as you read this.

*On a serious note, textbooks are so out-dated. The world changes so fast these days, by the time it is printed it is redundant. Online, topical readings are so much more relevant and engaging*

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Textbooks are not funny. Just like old people (source: Giphy)

Also you will need to go hungry for a week or a year to afford them ~ Alternatively, a human kidney is worth a staggering $20 000 on the Chinese black market.


Worrying is always 100 times worse than the actual thing, right? RIGHT? Maybe.

Where do I start?

  • Who will my tutor be? Is it that same lady I gave a really bitchy score on last semester’s teacher evaluation?

She knows it was me.

  • Who will be in my classes? Will I know them? Will they know me? Will every single person know each other except me and everyone will be all ‘hey, who TF is that weird person in the corner looking up Harry Potter fan theories?’
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What if nobody likes me and my sweatpants? (Source: Giphy)
  • THIRD YEAR SUBJECTS??? I am not ready for this. I read through the subject description and it is Greek to me. What will Grandpa say at Christmas when I get a bad grade for this subject?
  • WHY ARE ALL MY CLASSES IN BUILDING 19? I still don’t know how to find my way around. I think knowing I will get lost gives me more anxiety than when I actually get lost . . .
  • Will there be ice-breakers in my first tutorials? What will they be? Do they want my name and one interesting fact? I need to start brainstorming now. Do they want two truths and one lie? I don’t think I know two truths about myself.
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I might just hide in the corner until ice-breakers are over (source: Giphy)

Holy shit.



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